I was going to entitle this post -- "Fatigue and Frustration" -- because on Tuesday we spent six hours at Seattle Children's hospital while Kyle had a sedated MRI. As we were sitting in the room -- pre-anesthesia -- Jon and I were talking about how something that was so very scary the first time, has become almost common place. Kyle did great.....whereas the first and second time it took 6 of us to hold him down to put the cone over his nose and mouth.....this time, when the anesthesiologist asked which flavor he wanted in the cone, orange or root beer, Kyle chose. He climbed on the table, lay down, and went to sleep with his root beer flavored mask and laughing gas. He slept really well after the MRI. It was kind of funny because there was no middle ground in waking up. One moment he was sound asleep, the next he was wide awake, wanting to get dressed and he was DONE! So we went to get fries (of course), he was so hungry he ate 3 orders of fries by himself! Yesterday we were at the hospital for clinic to see the doctor and get the results. We waited 2 1/2 hours. And the news -- here's where the frustration comes in. There were no brain tumors, no discernable scar tissue, no issues with hips or knees, and NO IDEA what has made his gait change. Clearly, there is a change, but the doctors don't know why.
It was so disheartening to hear this! Aren't we paying them to find what's wrong and fix it? Aren't they supposed to KNOW? What are we supposed to do now? Just watch? This is not the answer I wanted! I wanted something cut and dried -- and, if you please -- SOMETHING EASY TO FIX! Something that would, once and for all, make him feel better, and correct the problem. As we left the hospital yesterday, I was discouraged, mad, and TIRED! There are two places that bring on un-rivaled fatigue -- they are the hospital and the airport. I'm not entirely sure why this is, but, we were tired! I did some ranting and raving -- it didn't help or change a thing, and it didn't make me feel better.
That's when I started thinking about the Tilt-a-Whirl -- what I needed was to spin my attitude around. Why, instead of being grateful, was I wasting energy on the lack of an answer instead of on the answers that were revealed -- the good answers!?!
WooHOO! Kyle DOESN'T have a brain tumor -- wouldn't that have been devastating news?
WooHOOO! Kyle DOESN'T need to have another surgery for scar tissue! Isn't that a miracle!?!
Woo HOOO! Kyle DOESN'T have any problems with his knees, hips, ankles or feet that will require surgical intervention!
WooHOOO! Aren't we grateful that we have doctor's who haven't given up, but are willing to research, think, and explore other options for treatment and care!?!
WooHOOO! After all he's been through Kyle is STILL walking!! Maybe it's a little different, but he's still able to move on his own power -- miraculous!
In three weeks, we'll re-evealute and look into physical therapy and work on restoring his gait, getting him moving, and helping him to cope.
I thank God for all the miraculous WooHOO things that we have to celebrate! We are truly blessed. This experience has reminded me, that even when things don't go the way we expect, even when there is frustration and uncertainty, when we can't see where our situation is leading us, or what the outcome will be, there are always things worthy of our gratitude. And when we express our gratitude to the Father, when we see the good that comes from Him, our attitude changes, we find hope, our focus changes and things look brighter. Our situation hasn't changed, but I have, and being grateful is what helped me change!
When life gets you down, and you feel lost and alone -- "Tilt" a little, and give gratitude a "Whirl" -- It's the best ride around!
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